A theory I found on the Internet is referred to as the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) Approach. This is a conflict resolution method that looks at peoples individual differences and helps avoid getting "stuck" or not solving the problem. The method has some simple rules to follow that will solve the conflict.
First make sure that having good relationships are the top concern, this means that you must act calm and collected while respecting the other person and try to build some mutual respect. You must remain aware and calm even under pressure. Second keep personal views and the conflict separate, sometimes people will see another person doing something "just to annoy them" when they may have a valid reason and their view of the person is coloring their thinking. Third pay attention to the interests involved in the conflict, this rule means to be quiet and see why the other person is doing what they are doing. Fourth listen and then talk, to follow this rule you must think about what it being said and why it is being said, then think about what you are saying and why you are saying it. Fifth observe the facts about the situation, establish a goal and look for things that might get in the way. Last explore options together, talk about your ideas and see that maybe a third option may exist that leaves both people happy.
These rules stop conflicts from going out of control and will help limit the effects of the outcome.
This method is effective but in my opinion would take some time to learn to a point where it may be usable. Also it seems like it would require lost of self-control which not all people have.
This method came from http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_81.htm.
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This method seems like it will help help a lot if you are the person that is getting angry. This seems like a great model. Very good model for resolving conflicts and learning self-control.
ReplyDeleteThis method would help me alot. I am always gettin mad with my younger brothers and this seems like a method that will help me deal with all the issues we have together. Thanks for your help peter i will most likely use this method in the future.
ReplyDeleteI like this method because it says you have to pay close attention to what is going on. This shows a great deal of attention to what is going on, and how you are solving your problem. I think this method could works wonders on any problem.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this method and how you mentioned that it is important to have a healthy relationship as your highest concern. If you do not put in the effort and are angry when discussing the problem, the other person may take offense to that and assume that you do not care enough about your relationship to solve the problem. Being calm also helps to state how you're feeling in a mature way, rather than screaming at the person and making them even more mad.
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